What color????????

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

Isn't that what blogging is all about? Listing my thoughts and feelings? Recently someone told me I hurt their feelings (and no it was not my hubby-He likes reading my blogs even when it is negative about him as sometimes he finds things out or understands me better by reading it.) ok back to what I was saying they said I hurt them by blogging my thoughts but I had not mentioned their name and not a sole knows of whom I referred. Now they are no longer friendly with me. They disagreed with my actions in a situation and turned their backs on my family. It amazed me and floored me. I already was having a tough time. I now feel I can share with everyone what all was going on. The surgeon refused to do my surgery just days before as I was critically anemic (a flat 7 with a 28) whatever that REALLY means. The only good thing was my blood clotting numbers were normal. He said he was amazed I was mobile and not passing out. I had too many white blood cells and my red blood cells were abnormal looking. He thought I may have cancer--of the spleen, lymphoma or leukemia. Tests so far have not confirmed any of that. I am still glad he chose not to at that point. We just did not know. At this point, I may just have an infection or something going on with my spleen. They have given me extra b12 shots and I seem to be absorbing my iron pills better with those. I have actually gone up 2 points in 2 weeks. I am still awaiting my appt with a hematologist but the PCP is working with me in the meantime. The surgeon said no way am I cutting you open at this point. The hematolgist will have to clear you and your numbers be up into the normal range first. Hubby was home when I got this news but I knew he would not be here whenever the diagnosis would come. But so far it does not appear to be cancer and I am going to think positive about it. After losing Christina, my best friend from college, a year ago to cancer....it really threw me for a loop. I think it would anyone who has children and an absentee husband. Believe me he is an absentee only cause he is deployed. Otherwise he is very hands on. But this is his career and we have to deal........
Along with this news we also had two new additions, our foreign exchange girls joined our family and we were all trying to get to know each other and find our way. To get settled in a routine, etc. But seemed to have too much outside interference at first. Cell phones and internet can be great things and at other times damaging. We attempted to limit this and things were going great. Friendships were being made and relationships were starting to develop. Then a message received via email. "Call a face to face discussion needs to happen within the next 2 days...I cannot express how imperative this is." 12 hours before my husband headed back to war we were forced to make a decision or felt we were at that time. We made one (a rash one but with our time restraints it had to be) and I guess that decision forever damaged my relationship with this friend. Christian compassion is nowhere to be found even though the stress on me was tremendous at that moment brought about by one too many things thrown at me in rapid fire. I am just numb about it all. I am struggling with dealing with other Christians at this point. Everyone is suspect. How many are true, how many are fake? Do people truly try to live out their faith or is it just an act on their part? Is there such thing as Christian charity or compassion or does everyone judge another? I know at times both John and I have fallen into that trap but usually not at the same time and we call each other out on it. This month has really thrown me for a loop...not at all what August was supposed to be like.
every other rough time in my life I have felt God there......amidst the chaos and strife. This time I don't feel him but am hanging on to the faith that he is there. Gotta tell ya......it's harder to pray when you are hurting and when you see kids hurt. He has proven it to me before.........answered prayers many a time. I know he is there, I know he understands, I know he forgives, I know he heals, I know these things thankfully...... just wish I could feel them this time. I guess it is just going to take some healing time before I do. I covet your prayers. We still are awaiting a diagnosis and I still would LOVE my surgery. I was so looking forward to not carrying this tire of skin around or these bhb's (basset hound boobies) as I have so lovingly nicknamed them. So my purple blog is all about me........but isn't that who you logged in to read about? Me and my thoughts? If not you logged in to the wrong blog. But thanks for reading and please pray for me anyway. It would be much appreciated. as I am having such a difficult time doing that these days on my own. I have been able to joyfully say the prayers with my girls still but my private one on one time has been rather dry.......