Weekend Getaway and follow up

When John returned from OIFIII, we went to visit one of his soldiers at Walter Reed while he was on block leave. These two have developed quite a friendship over the years. We watched as he started a new relationship with Jenn who is now his wife of 3 years and they now have a little baby boy on the way. One of the first things John wanted to do upon his arrival home from OIFIV was visit Donald again. It worked out perfectly that my parents were in the next town visiting other family. So we were able to knock two birds out with one stone as people say. the only downfall was our Expedition blew a bladder. stupid rubber type piece probably only worth a few bucks is going to cost us a bundle as half the engine has to be removed to get to it. We ended up getting a rental to get home as Zoe had her Neuroligist appointment today. I got the news I expected but dreaded hearing. She has epilepsy...although the doc explained they are trying to lose that term and go with seizure disorder as the term epilepsy has a antiquated negative thought process that causes people to not get past. Irregardless we started a medication today and I am to keep a diary as to when she wets the bed or pullup and when she has seizures. The medication will be upped everytime she has a seizure and if we can go a year they will back her off the meds. I knew in my heart but man hearing it really is like getting a punch in the stomach. I hope never to see my daughter suffer thru this again. I know she has no idea what has happened but it is so hard to see. Attached are some pics from our weekend. When I can figure out how to download from the camera I will have some pics of her hooked up to the EKG machine. She wanted everyone to see her headdress. She is such a trooper. When talking with Jenn on the instant messenger tonight. Jenn said that news made her so sad she could cry. Zoe said oh no don't do that I will be okay, I am okay do not cry. My Princess Sunshine, she so wants to make everyone smile and happy. I know her smile lights up my heart. My little trooper I love you girlie. We are just hoping the medicine does not cause her aggression during the mood swings to worsen. These times last about 5-10 minutes and then she becomes a very loving kissing touchy kiddo. So we covet more prayers everyone. We know God has a plan and we are just along for the ride but man I wish to be on a track that is straight and on a gentle incline not a rollercoaster but I guess whatever gets us to his destination will be alright.

Christmas Pictures

The favorite items found yesterday morning were a bit surprising to me. Zoe's favorite thing was not her new bike but her Dora orange toothbrush and a Cinderella Barbie Doll. Danielle fell in love with the Dora pillow Kendra made for her and literally hugged and kissed it multiple times but she played with this stocking stuffer toy of a little plastic snowman bicycle that held a lollipop the most. Kendra as expected loved her MP3 player and went immediately online to pick songs. Although we had muffins at breakfast I was not allowed to make my homemade cinnamon rolls as Kendra explained Mom you will let them burn again this year and the kids were too anxious to get to the presents to wait for dough to rise and that whole process. First year without them but it was planned!!!!!!! just vetoed I think I should have made them all wait now. LOL......... However, they did have to eat Pasty. But my favorite gift to give the littles were Dressy Bessy and Dapper Dan. I had these dolls when I was little. I remember my Nana and Pop gave my cousin Paul and I one each of these dolls. I received Dressy and Paul received Dan. Well in my young mind they were brother and sister and belonged together and should not be seperated. I distinctly remember having both at some point and had them for years and loved on them the whole time. When I saw them in the store they were a HAVE TO purchase. In case you are not familiar with Bessy and Dan they teach how to do snaps, tie shoes, buttons, tie ribbons, use a belt, etc. A kind of toy I love!!!!!!!!! I hope everyone else had just a nice a Christmas as we did. It was so nice to be all together this year.

Merry Christmas

Wisdom from Fellow Pilgrims

There is no evidence of any kind regarding the date of Jesus' birth. His nativity began to be celebrated on Dec. 25 in Rome during the early part of the fourth century (336 AD) as a Christian counterpart to the pagan festival, popular among the worshipers of Mithras, called Sol Invictis, the Unconquerable Sun. At the very moment when the days are the shortest and darkness seems to have conquered light, the sun passes its nadir. Days grow longer, and although the cold will only increase for quite a long time, the ultimate conquest of winter is sure. This astronomical process is a parable of the career of the Incarnate One. At the moment when history is blackest, and in the least expected and obvious place, the Son of God is born.

— Frederich Borsch & David Napier

Catching up

John arrived safely but with a cold that has not gone away. During the last two weeks we have done many things, attended the Journey (a live Nativity rendition), shopped, birthday parties, wrapped presents, weeded out excess, cheerleading practice, and made several doctor appointments. Sickness has hit our house and everyone is down with it. Seems Danielle had a BAD reaction to her DTP shot and ended up with a severe infection and allergic reaction within the first 12 hours. 4 days later it is still red and raised with a golf ball size lump under the injection site. Meanwhile Zoe came this close (imagine fingers up with almost invisible space between them) to be admitted into the hospital. No not due to her seizures but pneumonia. They have put her on breathing treatments night and day as needed. I am simply worn out and due Monday for my B12. The last few days before hand I can tell I am due as my energy just drains away. So not much going to be posted as I am attempting to finish Kendra's quilt by Christmas. I think it will get done this weekend but we will see. John has plans for us if the girls feel better. Will catch everyone up in a few days for sure. Sorry for the absence. Off to take a nap.

mommababgirl

from ken

The deep things unsaid

I typed up a whole paragraph and Danielle came in and hit a button and there it went. UGH. but then maybe that was God editing me from sharing too much. I saw a glimpse of the things that run deep for John this weekend. The things that go unsaid from war. We talk a lot, he is my best friend and is not always this tease others see out in public. At home he is never like that. Only out in public. We have an agreement that I will not push him to talk about war or the things he chooses to hold in unless of course they are hurting him, us or the family. I respect his silence but saw some of the pain this weekend in a one minute conversation about another soldier he apologized to for not attending the wreath ceremony. I had mentioned it to him a few days earlier but he never commented on it much. I had no clue that he really felt he should be there or we would have juggled the girls birthday party to later in the day. It was not until an hour before with 7 kiddos to head to Chuck E Cheese in Savannah that I knew a little of his thoughts. It was about a four sentence interchange and the veil went back up on the subject but the glimpse allowed me to see that thoughts and things run deep for him. My husband does not like to disappoint anyone and makes an effort to prevent that so unlike the persona he displays in public. So now I feel he worries about the I should have been there on top of the pain from war. but those deep things remain unsaid. and I may only catch a glimpse now and then when he chooses to open up.

Poem

A Different Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,

I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.

My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,

My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.

Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,

Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,

Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.

My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,

Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.

In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,

So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,

But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.

Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the

sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.

My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,

And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,

A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,

Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.

Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,

Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,

"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!

Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,

You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,

Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts¦

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light

Then he sighed and he said, "Its really all right,

I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.

"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,

That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,

I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.

My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"

Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."

My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',

And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,

But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.�

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,

The red, white, and blue... an American flag.

I can live through the cold and the being alone,

Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,

I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.

I can carry the weight of killing another,

Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..

Who stand at the front against any and all,

To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,

Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."

"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,

"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?

It seems all too little for all that you've done,

For being away from your wife and your son."

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,

"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.

To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,

To stand your own watch, no matter how long.

For when we come home, either standing or dead,

To know you remember we fought and we bled.

Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,

That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many

people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our

U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these

festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people

stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN

30th Naval Construction Regiment

OIC, Logistics Cell One

Al Taqqadum, Iraq

heavy heart

I spoke with my friend Lex, who lives in Savannah last night again. Her husband died the week of Thanksgiving in a car accident. His fault due to drinking and driving. His alcoholism was not a secret and the last year had been bad. He had been in a treatment facility also. Lex went to the Nazarene church with me in Savannah and his parents attended the Nazarene church here in Hinesville with me also. I knew them well............not Leon at all but I knew Lex loved him unconditionally and wanted the best for him always.
I have been praying for her and family. He left behind four kiddos that Lex is now caring for. A set of 17 year old twins, a 10 or 11 year old (I think) and Zoe's bestest friend Izzy B who is 3 just like her.
Well Izzy B has been telling her Mama this week that Mama is a big girl not a baby and should not be crying. Lex said she tries the Care Bear Stare to help make her happy. and then comes up and pushes her cheeks up and tells her to keep it that way. The poor kiddo............she misses her Daddy and loves her Mama so much. I did not understand completely the why's when my Mom died and I was 16 how do you explain to a 3 year old ....a very intelligent 3 year old at that. Her comprehension is just not mature enough to grasp it all. She just knows Daddy is gone and Mommy is sad. She asked my advice but really beyond prayer and love I have no clue. This little girl was at her grandparents when it happened and does not want to go back without her Mama as she is scared Lex will die too if she is there. This is going to upset the grandparents to no end as they adore Izzy B. Any advice? I remember that fear and I think only time took it away.......I was scared to go to college, to have my Dad fly off to Boston to visit Barb (while they were dating). What if something happened..... He was all I had now. As I developed my own life these fears dissolved but man at the age of 3 that could take awhile. I was forced into it and can not say I went willingly and hate that year of change in my life. Every day and every change was like saying goodbye again. It was the worst but again I was 17 when most of the changes happened she is 3! I tossed and turned thinking about her all night and how to answer her question. I do not think there are really any answers. So prayers for her my friends............and for Lex and the boys. My heart is heavy for them today.

oh so sweet.........

It is so nice to have my hubby home and to be able to tell the kids go ask Daddy. To know that he is willing and able to help with the kiddos. To be able to breathe without feeling that I am always on duty. I actually was able to take a nap this afternoon. I only ended up sleeping 10 minutes but honestly I felt like I had been asleep for 2 hours. To completely relax was wonderful. I actually asked what I missed when I woke up and John said "you are kidding right?-you have only been upstairs like maybe 10 minutes Did you sleep?" Did I ever!
Pictures of the last few days are unavailable for a few more days as I sent my card home with Stacy whose husband came home last night and we helped her with her 5 kiddos during the ceremony and then transported his gear home as there was no room for it in their vehicle. I took lots of pics of their reunion and wanted her to have the pics right away.
Today we went out with the plans to go to the Oatland Island Zoo but due to incoming dark rain clouds we changed our plans. We ended up at the bowling alley and bowled 2 games. I won the first round and John won the second. The littles loved pushing the ball on the ramp thing. Kendra has progressed beyond it but still wants the bumpers (although I suggest next time she does without them just to see) We spent several hours there as they have a lunch special that includes, 2 games, shoes, drink and 2 slices of pizza or a burger so we ate there too. I could not believe we spent close to 3 hours there but we did.
Tonight we are just hanging out.......working on quilts, bathing children, iming with friends and watching tv. oh so sweet.............

My Shopping excursion at 5am

I told Kendra and the girls that we were going shopping early this am to get my Christmas present. This is what I came home with..................................





MY HUBBY! It is going to be a wonderful Christmas.

The weekend

it is 7pm on a Friday night and I need to get to sleep as my early morning plans will be upon me soon. I need to be out of the house about 445 in the morning to get to my Christmas present destination in time. But to convince the kiddos to go to sleep this early is a no go. So I figure 10pm after the Drake and Josh movie will not be asking too much. Then tomorrow night we have invited several people to go to The Journey with us. I attended this last year with some other military wives and it was AWESOME. I am so glad we can do this as a family this year. Next year we will not be here and will have to see what we can discover in that neck of the woods. But I am so excited about it this year! This weekend is going to be so good.

Treasure

"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Luke 12:34).

I have been watching the pile of presents under the tree increase so much it has spilled out into the room. Partly because our new tree is the tall skinny kind and not the wide girth one.......that the branches do not cover much at all. Last years bit the dust as the boys decided it was a chew toy and treated it as and outdoor tree. (yuck but now the boys are no longer intact and much better behaved) So I digress. In my process of weeding out for a upcoming move, the girls really are not getting many toys this year. A lot of these presents are things the whole family will enjoy doing together or some personal things that are needed/wanted. I removed 8 garbage bags of items from the house that have just been stored and moved but not used. No real sentimental value to these things was had by anyone just held on to for the "I can see this being useful" thought. Well, in reality we are not going to use it we have not used it, etc.
This began my thinking back to where I store up my treasure and my attachment to belongings. I really do not have an attachment but to my hubby, my kids, and pictures. All other items can be replaced and in the end do not matter. I can state this firsthand and mean it as a fire 10 years ago took everything from me but my daughter and my faith in God that he was watching out for me and in control. I still feel that way. The accumulation of stuff has happened over the years since as has a marriage, a melding of our two household goods, and two additional children. I think stuff just happens but not in any of it do I consider my treasure. If need by, I can walk out of the house today with my kids, hubby and photo albums and be content. I stated this ten years ago right after my fire, all the items are just kindling and I can not take them with me out of this life.
I would rather store up my treasure in Heaven and look to him for my help and guidance than in the things of this world. I learned the lesson of materialism overnight. What am I teaching my kids? Does the pile under the tree teach them to want the newest and best as toted on the tv or teach them about family and values and God? hmmmmm. I need to think on that. I hope I have leaned farther to the right than the wrong with our presents and will think harder on that as I make purchases for birthdays, holidays in the future.
"For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also" (Luke 12:34).

Love those Magic Erasers!!!!!!!

While wrapping presents today, my permanent marker came up missing. Since Danielle was sick and napping with Kendra and Zoe was assisting me...I figured it had disappeared under the neat piles I was creating. Ha ha......ok to be honest the total chaos more describes what was created on my bed. So it was much to my surprise when Danielle came out of the bathroom(not asleep!?!?!) (remember she is not potty trained yet) and shuts the door and takes off running when she sees me. I immediately knew something was up but when I went into the bathroom all was in order except I saw the missing marker lying closed on the floor. Phew, I thought and proceeded on with my day. About an hour later, Kendra says Mom the girls are going to be in BIG trouble...have you seen the back of the bathroom door? closing my eyes and saying a prayer and taking a deep breathe, I proceeded to see the damage that was done to the door. From my waist down, was a beautiful work of art complete with a circled letter B that Kendra was quick to point out to me. I am sure that was an accident as my little one is not a prodigy by any means) Only problem is it was on the door of a rental house and not on paper.
I had purchased magic erasers Monday night while grocery shopping and thought well, it is worth a shot and much to my surprise it took out the majority of the color. Now, it is a slight shade of very pale yellow on what is a white door. So much better than black and white. Love those magic erasers. This will be much easier to paint over at move out time.

and by the way,,,,,,,,,wonder why I was using a permanet marker instead of gift tags? Cause this same child was found pulling them off the packages and decorating her belly with them. Since I knew I may not remember what was in those unmarked packages in a few weeks which would determine who they were meant for.......I decided names in permanent marker in VERY big letters was the way to go.

Growth spurts

As I kept weeding through the clothes trying to find some warm items for my kiddos, I came to the conclusion that they are just not there this past weekend. Why, you might ask-not even for Danielle? Nope, you see I realized that going into this past summer Zoe was wearing a 18month still some 24 month but only for length in some items. She started the summer wearing some 12 month shorts of her sisters still. I promise I do feed the child but she seems to prefer oranges, apples and salads with cheese over too much that could pack on the weight. Even drinking milk is a challenge with this one. It seems though this fall, she has grown much taller but not any in girth. She needs a solid 3t but the waists must have tight elastic or they will come down. Now little Miss Elle is built a bit bigger (and I do mean a bit as she is still petite too) and started the summer in some 12month/18 month clothes...........although almost 2 full years younger than Zoe she now is already in a full 2t..........which we did not have any of. We skipped that size range entirely for warm clothes. YIKES. So after posting a request and responding to a fewon Freecycle, we came up with a small collection of winter items and a ton of summer things............thank goodness winters are short where we are and it will be warm again shortly. However, with Daddy coming home Mommy wanted some nice special things to meet him at the outdoor ceremony to keep the kiddos warm since it will be at 5 in the morning and temperatures are in the 30's at that time. Also some nice things for Christmas pics and a possible trip north...........still waiting the possibilities on that one until we see the neurologist. I think when John sees a seizure actually happen he will lose his interest in going north............but maybe not as his Dad is not doing well either. We have been told that he has been having mini-strokes due to a possible blood clot in his neck. I think I have been down this road before with my Mom's mom but maybe that was a clot in her head? I vaguely remember her head being shaved and living with us for a bit. I was little.....7 or 8 I think. She learned to talk clearly again, write her name, etc...........while with us. I hope he does not have to do that as he will not be a patient patient. Not quite his style of dealing with things.
Looking back at pictures of the kiddos when John left, man have they changed, Dani was a new walker still quite the baby. Now she is a independent toddler and riding a tricycle. Zoe was a toddler......now looking like a little kid and quite different with her short do.........man is it growing out weird! Some spots seems to be on miracle gro and others seems to need fertilized. Thankfully it is winter and while outdoors we can throw a hat on her head. and Kendra looking like a kid when he left but now she is being mistaken for a teenager. She has the curves and all that already. She was wearing a kids 12 at that point and now a Juniors 5/7. and sharing my shoes. The kid is going to be tall.........to be wearing a size 9 1/2-10 at her age. YIKES. Hope her feet stop growing soon. cause I like sharing shoes with her....it doubles the shoe wardrobe.

Things that go unnoticed

Tonight as I was wiping down the front of the cabinets after our cooking adventures with the girls this week, my thoughts were that no one would notice that this had been done. They would notice however, if it were not done (in time, anyway). The build up of gunk would eventually be noticeable to all who entered the domain of my kitchen. Causing one to shrink back with thoughts of ewwwwwww........yuck if left undone. Keeping up with 4 girls...........1 still in diapers, 1 back in pullups cause of the seizures, and the bigger girls who are typical teenagers......is a constant battle.
Just like the little things in a Christian's life. The extra time spent to clear away the little messes or the build up may not be noticeable to others but sure can be seen over time if not dealt with. The extra prayer sent up over a situation or the few minutes to read the Bible are not noticed on the scale of daily activities. But over one's life those are the moments that count as they wipe away the gunk of the world from building up on us. The battle is to make or take the time to study, read, pray as the pressures of daily life can encroach on our personal time set aside to spend with God. Unless made a priority things can quickly start stealing into that time. Recently I have noticed that the more time I can spend with him, the more time I have....and the easier it is to deal with all the other situations. Only He knows all the situations he throws at me on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. Sometimes I feel like God and I are playing dodge ball. but if I allow them to overwhelm me or steal my time with Him, I know in time the gunk that would build up would be unsightly to others. Just like my cabinets, I prefer to take the time to remove the gook. Thank you God for helping me deal with the build up of gook in my life and help me to overlook and not judge the gook I may glimpse in others. I seem to be having thoughts in that direction a lot lately and am concerned about becoming judgemental. Help me with this Father as I so do not want to be as I know how it feels to be judged and know that only You are responsible enough to hold that position. Let me concentrate on my own gook and on you so that I may serve You better and be a good example to the kiddos.

Thanksgiving and shopping

http://www.cpmsglife2.org/MSG/Pres/td/td1.html

I was unable to post a video for some reason. This is so worth seeing and sums up all my feelings and thoughts these days. Thought hubby would be home on THE DAY but is not going to happen now. Mixed feelings on that.........any amount over the first brings extra money for the holidays but oh how it would be good to have him home instead. A few little things to buy for stockings and hubby's birthday but all the big stuff is done. Even the girls have completed their shopping after spending 8 hours in Savannah yesterday. Na, Adri, Anne, Zoe, Danielle, Kendri and I spent the day traipsing the mall. The Littles and I were glad to have the double wide stroller but are upset with the stores as it will maneuver in and out very well. Thankfully, we the three of us were more interested in some stores with wider aisles designed for higher traffic.......now the big kiddos hit all the clothes stores. One store I got pulled into.........I had to leave the stroller about 6 feet into the store as it could not be maneuvered within it. UGH........They have stuff piled and one can hardly walk without bumping into all the racks................especially with a purse. Now, that makes it sound like I may have a huge bag drapped over my shoulder not so. I have this over the shoulder purse that is the size of a small handbag. I do not like carrying the world with me wherever I go. Now, the girls all brought small suitcases with them and guess where they left them......in the car. No one wanted to carry their purse around.

Extremes

This week has been one of extremes for Zoe . She is very, very loving and kissing and complimentary one moment but two seconds later something was just not quite to her liking she is having a temper tantrum. I mean little things have thrown her over the edge, the tv was too loud or not loud enough. She could not find a shoe, she was asked to stop kissing her sister, she had one less carrot then her sister or the milk was white and in the wrong cup. These have been exteme behaviors that will stop as quickly as they started and without anyone giving in or babying her. I told everyone just let her be...........as long as she is safe allow her to cry or thrash it out beating up the couch. It has been mind boggling until my neighbors sister (a nurse) said it is a reaction to the seizure. and after a google search. Sure enough.....here is the evidence. I sure hope this goes away quickly. We still have to wait two weeks before they will see her. Time sure can move slowly at times.

Taste of things to come

This week I have been Mom taxi ............Na:Can you pick me up at 430? I need to be back at 545. Then pick me up around 11? While Kendra had a game at 5 which would end at 615. With no minutes to spare it all worked out. I even got to see most of the game.

I did not mind but when I will have three with those type of schedules in the future it could get hairy. Although by that point, Ken could be driving and asking for the keys. YIKES. Hopefully John will be home at that point to help play taxi driver but since we are military who knows. All I could think last night was it will all work out and maybe they will have the same interests and all be going to the same place. Yeah right, I know not likely, but I can dream can't I?

Chicken Tortilla Soup

Danielle, Na and I ate it and loved it. Kendra said it was only okay. Zoe has not been eating much of anything besides salad and cheese this week. (Even asked for it at breakfast) so her opinion does not count as much. She took 4 bites and that was it.

4 chicken breasts cooked in 4 cans low sodium chicken broth shredded or cut into bite size pieces
when this is done add to the chicken and broth
one can of evaporated milk
two cans of enchilada sauce (can be red or green) I used one of each
a can of diced tomatoes
a cup of rice
a small bunch of scallions chopped up
cumin to taste (I omitted)
2 cans of corn
1/2 cup shredded carrots or matchstick carrots ( I grated three carrots really finely as Na does not like carrots normally)
allow to come to full boil then simmer until rice is cooked about 20 minutes

This will feed a small crowd. Great for a Bible Study group, MOPS group or the like. I have enough frozen for probably two more meals.

Teddy Bear Picnic

Somewhere I read that today was National Teddy Bear Day. So we watched a youtube of the cartoon song.........and at lunchtime we decided to have a picnic ........unfortunately we got a bit damp as it was drizzly...............but since I had told the kids what we were doing they insisted on going on with the outside plans for it. Kendra no longer has any teddy bears so she decided to bring our honey bear as her buddy. Zoe's friend-Agirl or Dora (the name has changed twice now) was given to her by those who responded to our 911 call in attempts to get her to follow their directions. It is now her constant buddy. Dani's buddy is her care bear that she has had since her very first Christmas at 4 days old...almost two years ago.

A New Understanding

Jenny, a military friend of mine, lost her son Ben to SUDEP a year ago. He suffered from seizures and it took awhile to move from seizure disorder to epileptic status in his case. Jenny and I have talked about many things but I never asked for specific details. UNTIL TODAY. Zoe has had three seizures and has just been diagnosed with the disorder. The grand mal seizure this week pushed her out of the thoughts by the docs that she will grow out of it into the status of it being a disorder. The other two seizures she had were when she was quite small and were with fevers. This one was not. It was out of the blue and when she was well and playing. I will never forget watching it from start to finish. Horrific but mild compared to others I have witnessed in my life. Horrific because it was my child. My flesh and blood the child that I am responsible for. I know in my head there is nothing I can do to stop them but my heart cries out to let it be me. I called Jenny today to ask many questions at her request. She had recently stated she was turning her blog from remembering Ben into a way to help others. Never at that time did we think I would be her first to ask. It seems the US does not have much research or sites to gain much information on this. She linked me a site in Canada that has much more info available. Even mentioning a diet to try that may help prevent future occurences. We will not know anything further for a few weeks as they want her body to rest before they take an EEG. She has been extremely tired and hungry until food is in front of her and then she takes about three bites and says her belly is hurting. Not going to push her or upset her or anything. Her life will be calm and quiet for days. Prayers are appreciated! for all of us....my hubby is deployed and just happened to be talking to him when it happened and need I tell you how worried he was not being here to see or help, then her 10 year old sister had to deal with calling 911 but she did GREAT. our foreign exchange student got to ride in the ambulance with Zoe and I actually beat them to the hospital in the Expedition. I went by the side gate and they went in the main gate. All I can say is that I am glad we put our kids first and will never have regrets of we should have taken her to the Princess breakfast, or the beach, or wherever................. We did, we loved all our kids above and beyond. The housework waited at times, but the stories were read, the games were played, the kids were loved., theprayers were said.

However, Mommy should have known when Zoe was driving me nuts touching me constantly last week that something was up. although at the time she was not sick or running a fever and said she felt ok........she is a very loving child but this was EXTREME behavior. Now I know this clue that something just does not feel right to her and will be more on guard. A New Understanding of several things was discovered this week. We know that Zoe is a gift of God given to us for a time to help in her upbringing but that she is only loaned to us and belongs to God. We gave her back to him with the commitment that we would be dedicated to raising her to know him as Lord and Saviour. We continue to hold that commitment. After this incident and remembering Ben, Zoe and I had another talk about how God created her and he has a big house in Heaven that someday she can live in and that Mommy and Daddy and many others she knows will be there too. She said she wanted to stay with Mommy and I said that I want that to but know that only one other loves you more than your Mom and Dad and that is God. I have a renewed interest in making sure this little one accepts those facts and believes earlier in life than Kendra did but at the same time I do not want to be one of those parents that shove their faith and ideas into a kids head that they rebel. I know they see John and I as examples of faith in action and hope that they recognize early that we are only human that although we try we goof up and need HIM through everything to make things right. Please pray for us it has been a tough week.

I scared Mommy

Last night we completed our day with attending Disney On Ice's Mickey and Minnie's Magical Adventure. It was really good.......but near the end they had lots of fireworks and loud noises (Peter Pan scene). Danielle who was at that time sharing M and M's and a seat with Zoe, dropped the bag on the floor and came swiftly with tears to my lap and stated I scared Mommy and hunkered down pulling my arms around her. She was content to stay there and refused any more from anyone after that.
Made me compare this to me. During my scare, this little recent episode of you have abnormal blood cells it could be leukemia we need to run lots more tests, we will not open you up for fear of what it might or could do scare. Left me much like Danielle. Running to my Heavenly Father to rest in his arms. All other people or things did not matter so much. No one could bring me comfort like he did. During my resting on him time, we discovered my cells were not cancerous but suffocating. Pernicious Anemia brought on by my inability to break down food or vitamins after my gastric bypass several years ago. It had been going on for years, no one had caught or treated it and my cells had gotten so sick they were now abnormal looking. Like Danielle, I am content to stay right here in this comfort zone soaking up HIM. Not ready to move back out to serving others again. Danielle was the same way last night.... she no matter what Zoe said, did not want to share any more with her....not the seat, not the candies. Very similar to how much pressure you can receive from church members that have come to rely on you to do things...................then after a bit you get completely ignored. Zoe eventually gave up and continued on with the show. When the lights came back on Danielle still wanted Mommy but was willing to walk until the crowds got thick and pushy as everyone tried to reach the same portal. At that point, she gladly got lifted up and brought to safety up on my shoulders., where she could not get trampled on. Zoe a bit more mature and a little bit taller got buffeted by my body as we made our way through the crowds. Just a reminder that Jesus has done that for us too. Thank you so much Father for the time in your arms, reminding me of whose I am, and for the gift of your son, whose body buffets the penalties for me.

Fall Festival

Last Saturday we went to a fall festival on post. It was supposed to be a family event but they did not have the teen activities like bungee jumping and rock wall climbing like they have had in the past. We stayed about an hour and then we were done. As the big kids weren't too thrilled with it. ...this was really directed for 7 and under. So despite the littles protests they did everything once. a few things twice and we were out of there. But we do have some pics I had thought were cute of the girls.

Disney Princess Breakfast

This morning Zoe and I had a Mommy and Me date...........Kendra tagged along but we left Na and Dani home.
Dani is scared of the costumed characters and I thought it would be too much for her. Na was not interested so it worked out. Breakfast was substandard but the 3 yr old kiddo did not eat much anyway with everyone from Winnie the Pooh to Cruella DeVil to 5 of the Princesses going from table to table for pictures and autographs. Zoe had a blast! and we visited Snow White three times. Cinderella twice....would have been more but she was the favorite and she had long lines everywhere she went with kids following along behind. Kendra has really outgrown this and was rather bored except for talking with her friends who were acting as hostesses.