Before I was a Mom,
I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't
stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom -

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so
important and happy.

Before I was a Mom -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a
Mom.

Created to be His Help Meet

A few of my friends and I have been reading the book "Created to be His Help Meet" by the Pearls. I have thoroughly enjoyed learning and gleaning from my peers and this book. I feel like I have grown so much spiritually and that this has helped my marriage in ways I did not know it would. My husband and I have always had a good marriage....yes we have had rough patches and struggles but we have always known that our marriage vows were made to stick and knew that God was the center of our marriage and it would not fail. The ideas and insights that I have gleaned from this book have helped me to change in little ways that have allowed my husband to take center stage. Some place I know I was hogging now. I have to side note that it is hard being a military spouse whose husband is in and out of the house to not step into the leader role as for years on end basically I am it as far as who our children see on a daily basis. We have made steps to make sure to ask Dad first this go round before we make too many decisions without his input. I always know what his answer will be...........but the girls are realizing that I am deferring to him and the respect is growing for him on a daily basis. This was something that totally was depleted last time and I was not sure how to fix it....as it was not something I intentionally did. I always wondered if it was because Kendra and I came into the marriage together at 4 years.....and I have always been her constant. We also had Kendra's Dad out to visit last summer and I think seeing both her Dads interact on a friendly non competitive level with each other made a huge impact for the positive in her relationship with both. Anyway, our Bible study seems to be changing and some dear friends are dropping out and others seem to be coming in.......I hope that the dynamic of being able to learn and grow continues. As I am impressed with how my feelings for my husband have changed too. I now seem to be able to relate better to him and seem to cherish him more. I actually think I love him more by the day. I know I love him more today then the day I married him. I appreciate the fact so much that he married me at what I think was my worst and I am so grateful that he is blind to my faults. We had that discussion today. He said what faults. I said they are there and blatant but if you do not see them I sure am not going to point them out to you for you to recognize them. We just laughed then. I am so blessed to have him in my life---he makes me want to be a better wife and help-meet daily.

Searching God's will for our Family....

Recently I saw a Wednesday's Child special on TV...happened to catch it as I normally do not watch the news. Husband in Iraq...you know. No news on what is going on there is best as the concern for him could grow to exorbitant amounts. Would rather hear directly from him as to if it was a quiet day or not.
Back to subject so this stirred me to speak to John again about our future plans to foster and adopt. We have talked and prayed about it since we were engaged and knew that someday we would love to if that is God's will.....it has been in OUR vision to do so all along. We just wanted to do it together and planned to start the process when he returned from this deployment. However, in voicing my concern for this girl on TV...my hubby said go for it... start the process...how soon can we get her? Child #1 is so excited and already started telling everyone and is asking child #2 are you ready for more siblings? Do you want another sister? and planning on how we can rearrange kids and rooms to best accommodate more children in our house. So the children are all on board too so no struggles will happen with that.
I know we have enough love to share.........so bring on the kids.......
I have made the phone call and am now just waiting for the phone call with class times. As that is what starts the whole process rolling........I hope it will go quickly.....this girl may or may not be the one to come into our home. If not I pray she receives the Forever Home she desires with lots of love and family commitments she deserves. and that whatever child (ren) come into our home is hand picked by God to fit right in and meld well into our family. We want this child to be FOREVER a part of us and not some temporary thing.....although we are not against helping others temporarily I know it would be hard to take them in and then let them go. SO my dear friends please pray for us as we are endeavoring to do his will and pray that everyone is covered in prayer so that the whole future road follows his will and that our family is ready for the future changes that will be taking place.......


sidenote: John really wants us to adopt a boy! so if we are placed with a girl I know we will not be done.

Christmas Tree

Christmas season is over....so is the Epiphany and yet I cannot bear to take the tree down. I have asked myself why so many times. It took me forever to get it up this year. Advent season was underway and I usually have it up in time for that............like usually the weekend after Halloween my house is in bloom with Christmas as I just love the meaning and all the decorations. I have decided it was because John was not here for the holidays or any part of it this year. We were not able to celebrate it together and I miss that. We do not have a typical Christmas in our home Year #1=sick child in the hospital and on standby orders to deploy year #2=he was deployed year#3= I was pregnant and unable to travel as I had to have iv's every week. year#4=deployed year#5=gave birth on the 21st of Dec and traveled to see family year#6=deployed again. So as you see we have no normal holiday in our house.... and our anniversaries are always spent apart not one have we ever been together..... so needless to say I am not missing any traditions with him we have not really been able to make any but I missed him terribly irregardless.
We do not even have the tradition of being together but this year it seemed so odd him not being here...
okay so back to the tree. I have decided it is going to stay up. We will change ornaments to seasonal favorites but it will be up. That way no matter when my hubby comes home we will be able to celebrate something together whether it be the 4th of July, Memorial Day, Labor Day etc.etc.
I went to the dollar store today and found pink wire ribbon that I have encircled my tree with and found some white silk roses and have started changing the decorations out to Valentine's Day. I will have the girls make some heart type crafts to add to the glory of the tree but with the white lights it already looks pretty and fresh. A nice change from Christmas. I look forward to adding things like Americana items in the future. Have to say this is something to look forward to.......Hubby has a tree too so we can also send him some stuff for his as we redo ours..............a way to keep us connected despite the miles.

Missing socks-I have the answer!

somehow in the last month....I once again have come up with a whole Wal-Mart bag full of socks with no mates. Nowhere to be found as I have searched under beds, in closets, pulled out drawers to look at the bottom of the dresser, etc. etc. All laundry is done and there is an empty basket.
I have come up with the answer for all who wonder.
The sock companies have a 6 month recall on them in order to drum up business. At the end of their allotted time they dissolve in water! Those not made with this special fabric start to get holes instead. It is the only possible answer to what happens to these socks...as my kids leave with 2 socks, come home with 2 socks in tow. and now i know as it makes perfect sense to promote future sales.

Epiphany

Well the Christmas season is officially over. Sad to say I slacked this year in our teaching of the Advent, Christmas meaning and of the Epiphany. We have a really awesome book to use daily to assist me with this also. I guess with John gone, a homeschooling mother with good intentions just ran out of enough hours to get things done. I think some of the missing my hubby blues played in that too. If I ignore this special time for families it may not be happening without him?!?!?hmmm sounds plausible to me. Only a military spouse can truly understand that though.
Some things are having to be reevaluated in our lives like the K12 program. I like it to some extent but there are things I do not like about it. We are pretty tied to a stringent schedule and child one's learning is tied to those things on that schedule. Not much deviation can take place. That I do not like. It takes us hours to get done possible due to the attention span and interruptions children 2 and 3 make.
Decorations are starting to come down and the house needs cleaned up. Wish it were spring to open up the doors and let some fresh air in. Thank goodness we are in the south and that will happen in just a few weeks. Can not wait for a wave of fresh air through the house.

Healing

Wow-yesterday a friend of mine that has been suffering badly from symptoms undiagnosed for what seems forever! Was diagnosed late in the year with Lupus. Painful to watch her struggle and still keep her upbeat, bubbly, optimistic, keep in light spirit. She did it with grace ALWAYS. Her deployed husband had missed most of this rapid demise of her ability to do things and I am sure although I was not present or privy to the info, that he was floored to see her in such pain and quiet suffering. I know I am digressing but you need to know the background for what is coming so bear with me.........
Well he came home at the holidays to visit ............after several days he attended a function with her and asked about visiting with the Priest for prayer on her behalf. They set up an appointment. They prayed and annointed her....... Well, do I need to go on??????????

ONLY GOD.......ONLY FAITH in his healing can bring the changes that I witnessed yesterday in her. She jumped up and down in my living room. This is the lady that it took 20 minutes to walk across the room and climbed the stairs on her hands and knees cuase she could not lift her foot high enough from step to step. The relief that I see in her face is unbelievable. She still seemed to walk a bit cautiously but the steps were not painful. After months of even slight movements hurting I would be cautious too. I am so thankful that she has begun to heal. I say begin as sometimes it takes our mind awhile to wrap itself around God's gifts. Just like with accepting God's love ------sometimes it is like really??? He loves me...how could he? I've let him down, I screwed up so.....I am such a sinner. Exactly why he loves us so....and died for us. I am sure being healed is the same way? Really? He did? How? why? is it real-will it last? Praise be to God for this wonderful gift for my friend...help her Lord to wrap her mind around it. Thank you father for loving us so........